I gotta say it was a good day.

I gotta say today was a good day.

We’ve been talking a lot about the longevity of motivation in a world on the precipice of … well, of something major… for the lack of a better term. Which has had us all reflecting and questioning the differences between optimism vs pessimism. Which one should we be? Is one better than the other? Does one prepare us more? Make us smarter? Make us more/ less vulnerable? Does one empower us? 

Down the rabbit hole we go...

The answer is 42. That is a joke, but for those who don’t understand the reference. Douglas Adams wrote a flippant tale that begins with the Earth blowing up. After a series of events that are equal parts dramatic and droll the characters are presented with the answer to the ultimate question in life… 42. The point to my ramble is that perhaps the answers to the questions we are asking don’t matter. Hear me out. 

I never was an optimist, but lately, the choice to be one feels easier (most days). Believe me when I say it is a daily choice. Some days I choose pessimism as easily as I choose not to pack my rain jacket. On those days I need the chill of reality to sink in and the sting of it to wake me up. I have the privilege to choose to be optimistic, most days, because I have the privilege to feel autonomous enough to try to make a difference. It is an astounding privilege to even entertain the idea. I am so much thankful for the privilege of hope that I hang on to it for as many days as I can even as we face unthinkable truths. Yet, it isn’t an easy choice. In the excerpt we read by Howard Zinn he speaks of the importance of finding a like-minded community with a good sense of humor to motivate you through tough times. The ENST cohort makes puns so bad I give up an optimistic day. I’m kidding, ENST does make bad puns, but the cohort inspires me every damn day! Knowing each one of my peers is working hard to make a difference makes it easier to choose optimism. I mentioned in class briefly, but I’ll stress it again now, my motivation comes from seeing the exponential impact of everyone's fractal changes. It will be incredible to see what we all can accomplish in our mere 30 hours of service learning because it’s a blink of an eye compared to what we can accomplish in our lives. That being said, I am not sure I will make a difference (or a measurable one) maybe at the end of my days all the choices in my life will add up to 42, but I’m not going to wait around to find out. I got work to do.

The Discipline of Vulnerability

One of the most spiritually toxic ideologies I’ve shed in the Environmental Studies program

is the ‘myth of the individual.’ What a tragic side-effect of a capitalist society this is!

(and hardly coincidental, as capitalism relies on individuals imagining themselves as isolated)  

I used to joke that being an artist is a delicate dance between narcissism and debilitating self

doubt. What I’ve come to realize is that both of these feelings are inherently self indulgent, and

the instances of my most visceral joy emerge from shared experience where neither narcissism

nor self doubt are remotely relevant. I’ve found that collective creativity is really what colors

my life experiences and sustains my light&heavy-hearted hunger for being human.

So what is art all about anyway? I’ve been asking myself this question for years and the most

contemporary answer I can offer is that it’s the discipline of humility, vulnerability and

imagination. I feel that the world beckons every one of us to participate in the ever-unfolding

conversations of what we’re all doing here and how we can become closer to ourselves, to

each other, and to other more-than human beings (all synonymous?). “Millions of people are

working on the behalf of strangers,” writes Paul Hawken. Is the nature of that work in

reconciliation with our own pain of feeling dispossessed by humanity? Don’t we all feel a

certain gravity towards one-another which longs to fill the spaces carved out by capitalism,

colonialism and other hegemonic powers?

So what is compelling about living in the ‘anthropocene?’ I so appreciate the refreshing

questions posed in Josh Fox’s documentary, How To Let Go of the World and Love All the

Things Climate Can’t Change: “What are the things that climate change can’t destroy?” He

asks. “What are those parts of us that are so deep, no storm can take them away?” In other

words, what makes a climate-changed future worth living in? Oh, with such unspeakable

violence routinely on the fringes of our consciousness, could this be the question of our

time? For me, the unequivocal answer is: strong communities utilizing colossal courage,

innovation and radical love to collectively adapt to impending changes yet to come, while

continuously asking how a more just future might look. Similarly, Paul Hawkens writes,

“Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity’s

willingness to restore, reform, rebuild, recover, re-imagine, and reconsider.”

Environmental Studies taught me that hope is not a feeling, it’s an action. ENST has

encouraged me to practice a discipline of humility, vulnerability and imagination so that

I can revel in those moments of lucid joy when they arise. It has required so much of my

heart - drenched me with a weight that now serves as an anchor, grounding me in the

turbulence of contemporary life.

Our Own Narratives Speak For Themselves

Each of us are undoubtably miraculous. The very fact that we live and breathe as a byproduct of infinite forces conspiring together makes my heart palpitate. Paul Hawken said, "Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it." Do you know that you are made of magic?

As I gain my footing in my last semester of college, I am realizing that the bread crumb trail I've been following has led me to a place of genuine hope. I can't explain in words what it feels like to gain access to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me. Language just can't pull this one off. I grabbed books off of shelves that unexpectedly opened secret doors, leading me to people and places I had no idea my heart missed.

For my Service Learning project I will be interviewing members of the houseless community that are affiliated with AHHA, the Affordable Homeless Housing Alternatives collective. The organization is currently working on the bureaucratic process of creating a tiny house village in Arcata, CA, as a means of providing transitional housing for those suffering from homelessness in the community.  

What I hope to gain from this opportunity is the profound understanding that individual narrative matters, and is a powerful tool that can be used for transformative social change. The stigmatization of homelessness has never made sense to me. However, with a new framework of understanding that I gained through my higher education, I am able to identify the symbiotic relationship between the social construction of blame placed on the individual and the perpetuation of systemic oppression. 

How to find Motivation

Howard Zinn, in his essay The Optimism of Uncertainty, states; “Understand that the major media 
will not tell you of all the acts of resistance taking place every day in the society-the strikes, protests, 
individual acts of courage in the face of authority” (Zinn,78). Having this realization is one of the key 
reasons for why I started to have hope for the improvement of our planet and society after the election of 
Donald Trump. There are “millions of people working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is 
usually about the death of strangers” (Hawken, 56). I don't know what it is about the media that does not 
allow for stories of resistance to be newsworthy. This makes it so that the general public is in a constant 
state of despair from having to hear horrible stories and not enough stories of hope. Through this we start 
to be conditioned to have no hope and no reason to get involved because the world is so horrible beyond 
repair. Which is the perfect way to keep a society complacent. If the world is going to end soon and 
anything that we do won’t have a big impact why even get involved? 

This of course doesn't work on everyone and there are so many people who decide to get involved.  
Once you start to get involved you no longer need the media to give you those stories because the people 
you surround yourself with will constantly talk about wonderful actions happening to improve our 
community. You get to see strong inspiring people persevere in the face of oppression. This helps to 
motivate everyone who gets to meet those individuals and makes us stronger as a society because you no 
longer feel like you are alone in the fight against racism, sexism, homophobia, environmental degradation 
etc. 
 
Getting involved has really helped me to feel less helpless and to gain agency. It has also helped 
me to feel like I have a community that I belong to. Before this everything felt unfixable and I  
felt very alone. There were just too many issues and not enough people doing anything about it. 
Although getting involved has been beneficial in many ways it has not fixed all the negative  
feelings that I have. I no longer feel helplessness and lonely but there are many days that I feel like I 
should just give up on the movement, that it would have been easier if I never become interested in these issues. 
But through writing this reflection I realized that it's a lie. Everyone is aware of what is going on in the 
world because I see ordinary people who are not involved talk about about all the issues currently happening 
with such sadness. I used to be in there place and I don't think I want to go back to that. It seems like
a harder mental state to be in. 


When I first started this reflection I wrote “At this point in my capstone experience I am still unsure 
about what I would like to do”. I now take those words back. The start of this semester was very hard
 for me for no particular reason (well maybe depression) and I felt very uninspired and I wanted to give up. 
After writing this reflection I know what I want to do. 

The organization that I am most interested in is The Wildland Conservancy. The project that they have 

available for students bridges social justice and environmental justice issues perfectly, which is
something that I think about often. (It is what I wrote my identity paper on for ENST 395.) 
Through this I hope to be able to create a path for the local community for merging environmental 
issues with social issues, if it has not been done yet. If it has been done already then that is completely 
fine because I would like this type of work to continue so that it eventually becomes the norm.

Optimism and self-care

On Tuesday we were asked: Why is it that you feel pressure to be optimistic?

Before I attempt to answer that question, I must admit that pessimism is typically 
my modus operandi. While pessimism has always been a part of me, constantly 
learning about oppressive/exploitative ideologies and institutions as well as the 
extensive amount of pain they have inflicted throughout communities near and far 
has made optimism feel even further out of my reach. But after taking some time to 
reflect upon this part of who I am, I have decided that my pessimistic outlook hasn’t 
always caused me trouble. In fact, often times my pessimism actually motivates me 
to put forth my best effort. In other words, when I expect the worst, I feel compelled 
to counteract that outcome and the only way I have found to do that is by trying 
really hard. And in the end, when good results do occur, they are a welcomed and 
pleasant surprise. In this way, I have found that pessimism can be a “powerful” tool.

However, the negativity of this pessimistic process is stress inducing and therefore 
a heavy burden to carry on a daily basis. Over the past few years, elevated stress 
levels have had a negative effect on my body and personal life. If pessimism is stress 
inducing, then not participating (or at least reducing the amount I participate) in it is one 
way for me to manage my stress and improve my health. So ultimately, the pressure 
that I feel to be optimistic emerges from within. In my eyes, optimism is a form of 
self-care. If I am being optimistic, then I am doing my mind and my body a favor.

But it doesn't have to be explicitly one outlook or the other, my new goal is to find some 
kind of balance between the two. I admire the balance of Paul Hawkins' perspective on 
optimism, pessimism, and the future:

“When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand the data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse” (p. 55).

If there is one thing that inspires me in light of all the injustices that poison our world, it 
is the certainly the people Hawkins is describing. And luckily for me, I have the honor of 
taking on my capstone experience with a large group individuals who are doing that 
inspiring work (and SO much more).

Speaking of my capstone experience, I will be participating in a service learning project 
with the Red Cross. The main task I have committed to so far is mapping some important 
details necessary for providing services when extreme geophysical events (commonly 
referred to as “natural disasters”) occur. As far as the impact I am hoping to make, I am 
happy to know that the these maps will be used by the Red Cross to enhance their 
services for such events that may affect my community in the future. I also intend to 
explore other avenues for further impacts throughout the semester, stay tuned!

Seizing the Opportunity

As my undergraduate experience here at HSU comes to a close I am greeted with the exhilarating opportunity to get my feet wet and take my first dip into the mysterious pool that is life. Through completing a service learning project for my senior capstone class I am presented with the chance to connect with an organization in my local community. It’s not official yet, but for my service learning I hope to be working with the program coordinator of an after school program called, “Redwood Edventures”. Redwood Edventures poses as an incredible opportunity for young kids to learn outside of the traditional classroom. Through getting the youth excited about their natural surroundings, the Redwood Edventures program gives kids and the young at heart scavenger hunt quest through different redwood state parks and other scenic locations in the Humboldt County region. The scavenger quest make the participant hunt down and identify different components of the ecosystem they are in on top of providing factual information about what they find in form of a rhyme. One of the many reasons I’m so excited to be working with this organization is because being around innocent happy kids keeps this fresh and bright outlook on the world.

In class we’ve been discussing power and how you cope as an individual when you feel powerless. Lately I’ve been feeling very pessimistic about the future state of our society and the health of our planet. Those feelings are completely valid and it’s okay to feel like the world is going to hell however, that wasn’t always the case for me. As I grew more into the major of environmental studies I began to realize that one person can’t do everything no matter how hard you try. Instead of having the feeling of I can’t do something, or I can’t contribute to the change that I so desperately want to see fast enough. Why resort to feeling powerless? Why resort to feeling overwhelmed and pessimistic? Instead lately I've been taking a step back and accepting things for how they are and stepping away from the naive mindset I had when I first became an environmental studies major and thinking that the change I want to see will come quickly. As a result I’ve been focusing on what truly matters and that is the people closest to me. Life’s a crazy place and it comes at you fast, faster than you can think. Take the time to spread love and cherish every moment while you strive to live the best life you can live with the people you care about most. Together we can make a positive change it won’t come quickly but, when you spend more time focusing on being happy and spreading that to others then you are already making the world a better place. One of my favorite quotes from the readings this week comes from Paul Hawkens powerful chapter “You are Brilliant and the Earth is Hiring”, I was touched when Hawkens stated, “The living world is not out there somewhere but, in your heart”. This couldn’t be more true to how I’ve been feeling lately and I hope to keep this reassuring feeling alive with my capstone project.

Finding Purpose In Cleaning Up My Room

About a year ago my focus in life changed. The way I looked at my own life specifically and how I was choosing to interact with the world around me shifted to a new paradigm. I had learned so much about the injustices of the world and read so many accounts of inspiring people throughout my college experience, I was determined to change society itself and “make a difference”. Not only this, but I believed that the state of the world was basically lost and drastic immediate action was necessary for the survival of our species and the world as we know it. Because of this I was certain that if nothing changed within a few years there was basically no point in investing myself in anything – it would all be gone soon anyway right?

However in the past year I have started listening a lot more to podcasts – through them I have discovered some incredible thinkers and listened to a huge variety of very experienced and wise individuals. Listening to these people who have lived much longer and fuller lives than myself has given me what I feel to be a powerful insight and definitely a better perspective on life. People like Joe Rogan, Aubrey Marcus, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Gary Vaynerchuk, Joey Diaz and many others have influenced how I saw my life in the grand scheme of things. I learned things like: No matter how smart I think I am now, in 10 years I won’t be able to believe I naïve and dumb I was at 22. Nothing happens overnight – success and prosperity are long-term games and you can’t try to win them overnight. There is no winning without losing first. The biggest lessons always come from the hardest falls. And that we learn, grow, and improve by leaning into the resistance, by embracing challenges and standing up to chaos head on.

Dr. Jordan Peterson is somebody I have learned a ton from and is truly one of the wisest and most powerful speakers I have come across. I was lucky enough to discover him through Joe Rogan’s podcast and began listening to many of his very powerful lectures on human nature, The Bible, and overall finding meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in this life. He has been very critical of the direction that the university system seems to be taking, and has issued a sort of challenge to those who listen to him. His message is not only to young people, but I believe it applies very well to our current generation and the problems we face. Despite it being much more complex than this, a common theme has emerged and can be boiled down quite simply to what has become an almost famous quotation. His message is this: “How do you think you are going to change the world if you can’t even clean up your own damn room?” This very simple question struck me hard, and it is something I think about often, and something I think we should all spend more time pondering.

Obviously this question can be taken both literally as well as figuratively, but either way it remains a powerful question to understand and answer within oneself. In a literal sense; how do I hope to put the time, effort, hard work, discipline, and sheer determination it takes to “clean up the world” if I can’t even muster up these virtues enough to clean and organize my own tiny bedroom? Seriously, it seems like a weird comparison to make but it makes total sense. The act of cleaning up the world and reorganizing a society as vastly complicated as our own is no easy task, and the thought that some 22 year old kid is going to be able to do that without ever practicing any of the skills necessary for such a monumental task is simply laughable. This thought alone caused me to do a massive double take, what was I really imagining was possible? Who did I think I was that I would magically be able to do something people have been attempting for hundreds of years? On the metaphorical side of things, the act of organizing one’s room is so much more than that physical 15-20 foot room we sleep in. It involves organizing our thoughts and ideas, getting rid of useless junk that’s cluttering up our lives, and making ourselves as useful to our individual purpose as possible.

These insights along with others I learned from people like Aubrey Marcus changed my outlook and turned my attention inward. I decided that in order to be of the best service to others as possible, I had some real work to do on myself. I decided that I needed to be the best possible version of myself, and that through that process I would become the type of person who was capable of enacting a positive change on the world.

I have found this shift towards a personal philosophy of virtue ethics to not only be intensely rewarding but also to be what I feel as the right path. It involves actively practicing traits I believe to be virtuous and ones that we should all strive to cultivate within ourselves. I practice humility - every time I think that I will be the one to change the world I stop and ask myself, why would you think that? What makes you special? What makes you different from the millions of other people around the world who wish to change their societies in the same way you do? It forces me to self-administer discipline and hard work on myself, the world doesn’t change unless you are an active agent within it. Nothing changes sitting on your couch and playing video games. And perhaps most of all it forces me to strive everyday for my highest ideal. Each day I strive to be the best person I can be. Because quite honestly, I believe that is all we can do individually to bring about whatever change we wish to see from the world.

 Focus on yourself, set a goal, and strive for your highest ideal. Hopefully the rest will follow in time, but if not at least you’ll know you gave it your greatest effort possible.

Remembering, Forgetting, and the Place Inbetween

To Remember - have in or be able to bring to one's mind an awareness of (someone or something that one has seen, known, or experienced in the past): 

To Forget - put out of one's mind; cease to think of or consider:

The other day in our Capstone class, we were asked by Sarah Ray, “What is it that gives you motivation, hope, and inspiration to continue our journey towards helping each other and this planet, and how are you going to find and feed that in your capstone experience?”. I didn’t share my thoughts, but it wasn’t because I didn’t want to or because they weren’t developed enough. The truth is, I am filled with hope by the beautiful people around me, in this major and outside of it. In that moment I was hungry to listen, listen to the thoughts of those who inspire me, those who are the paths of MOST resistance. I was ready to absorb their words and allow their thoughts to remind me of why I am here, in my last semester at HSU, majoring in Environmental Studies. A major that is a roller-coaster ride of emotions, positionalities, and revelations; both personal and global. But even after four semesters of being enveloped in the teachings, writings, and challenges inspired by some of the most prominent and active thinkers in this all-encompassing discipline, I feel like I have forgotten so much about myself, the world, and the importance of this work.

               And that’s the delicate dance. How do we, as individuals and as communities, find balance between remembering the best parts of life, knowing what terrible things to remember, and which to forget? I know forgetting is often thought of as unintentionally failing to remember, but I believe it can also be conducted with intention. The same goes for remembering. We can remember by pure chance, neurons firing so randomly that moments of our lives are recalled instantly and for no apparent reason. This is the remembering I and most of us experience the most. But what about intentionally remembering the things we unintentionally forgot? Now that is rare, and it is rare because it is difficult. Amidst the difficult subject we learn about in this major, facing the reality of our social, political, and economic climate dominated by fear-mongering, greed, oppression, and excess, and our own personal health, we need to REMEMBER those things that make life worth living.

               Howard Zinn in his piece “The Optimism of Uncertainty” says something that struck a deep chord in me. He wrote, “One semester, when I was teaching, I learned that there were several classical musicians signed up in my course. For the last class of the semester I stood aside while they sat in chairs up front and played a Mozart Quartet. Not a customary finale to a class in political theory, but I wanted the class to understand that politics is pointless if it does nothing to enhance the beauty of our lives. Political discussion can sour you. We needed some music.” This statement basically summarizes my entire experience studying Environmental Studies thus far. We learn about things hidden behind dark veils, narratives and real-life stories told by people that society ignore or aren’t even aware exist. We have realizations that rock us to the core, and while doing so bring many things, hidden deep within us, up to the surface. Where we have no choice but to confront them with courage. Face them or accept that ignorance is bliss.

               Despite this, what we learn can also be used as a tool, as fuel. Fuel to, like Zinn said, “enhance the beauty of our lives.” If we only see it and use it as something that creates grief and bitterness, resentment of our mistakes as a species, as something that divides us, then we are seeing it all wrong. YES, it can do those things to us, and rightly so, its depressing. But, if we see it with a different eye, an eye that peers through the darkness to a world of endless beauty and love, then we can use it to better ourselves and the world. So, I challenge you all, remember what makes your live better. Intentionally recall every single good thing that has happened to you, all the people that have loved you and felt that love reciprocated. Every……single………….beautiful and loving event or memory, place or person, trial and triumph. And know my friends, what to forget. Like the sourness you’ve felt because of the weight of our world. For it can be light as a feather, only if you let it.

Taking Advantage of Environmental Degradation

In class, professor Sarah Ray prompted us with the question "If we will never see utopia, what keeps us doing what we want to do?" In context, this question means that if my future job is to create a better world, but I will never actually see what I am fighting for, how do I keep motivation? This lead me on a trail of thoughts that ultimately ended with me realizing that I will only have a job because of the current situation and direction that our planet is going. Of course I do not wish that this was the circumstance, but it has occurred to me that my future career is another part of nature being monetized for profit. This means that if there was an end point to the ongoing problem of overusing natural resources, then that would mean I would not longer have a job. Using one of the examples I said in class, if my job was to organize beach cleanups, then the only reason my job would be necessary is because the beaches are continuously getting to the point of which they need to be cleaned up. Hypothetically, if the beaches were permanently clean after one beach cleanup, then my job would be useless. While having the job of a community organizer to get groups of people to clean beaches is definitely a wholesome job, it also unfortunately relies on the degradation of the environment. However, with a less pessimistic viewpoint, it would make sense to view it as being a part of the solution opposed to part of the problem, which was my true answer to the initial question. Actually seeing issues and problems that are in desperate need to be attacked before becoming more of a juggernaut than they already are is what keeps me going. Knowing that even though there is a chance that the human race cannot collectively sacrifice enough in order to save themselves, but doing everything possible in order to at least slow down the rate of destruction is all I personally need. This conversation in class also touched a lot on the idea of "power," or lack thereof, and whether it is either a road block or actually liberating to not have any. Personally, I think that  there are perfect explanations for how the idea of "power" can be viewed both ways, but I choose to look at it more optimistically. Not because having no "power" is liberating, but knowing that the "power" that most of the people in Environmentally Studies are fighting for is the "power" of herd mentality. The herd mentality that has taken over the world that drives profit as the only thing that matters. Knowing that people we able to be coerced into believing that nothing else matters means that they can be convinced otherwise. Of course it will take a frustrating amount of time and work, but keeping an optimistic mindset is what the world needs.

New wave optimism?

What am I even doing in my life? 

Howard Zinn questions, "Is an optimist necessary a blithe, slightly sappy whistler in the dark of our time? (pg. 79) (I had to look up blithe because uhhh, I don't know what that means, so for those of you who are also like uhhh, here you go: According to Merriam-Webster, Blithe: of a happy lighthearted character or disposition-a blithe spirit-blithe enjoyment.

       In this post, I am going to talk about my future service learning experience in ENST Capstone and what I seek to gain from it. I also want to talk about this perceived reality of being an "optimist" or "pessimist" (why does it have to be such a dichotomy). All in all, I am going to blend together these two topics... So, stick with me! I'm not usually this concise in my writings, where I give the reader a full on layout of what will be addressed within the confines of the reading, but hey this is a blog post, I'm going to try new things. 

·        It's my last semester in undergraduate schooling. (champagne bottle pops open) I am truly invigorated to take my next steps, to use the knowledge I have accumulated into the world of beauty, chaos, uncertainty, and growth. I feel ready, but one questions lingers in the back of my mind: 

      What am I even doing in my life? RED FLAG, RED FLAG. 

This is the core question every college student is asked at Aunt Linda's house during the holidays, where all you want to do is lock yourself into the bathroom. This is the question we ask ourselves when we're shoving spoon fulls of Ben & Jerry's Ice cream into our mouth at midnight writing a paper that's due at 10 am the next day. 

·        But.. this question turns realistic when we are at the last stretch of our college career and summer is in sight.. which means what am I even doing in my life? or what should I be doing with my life? 

·        I am an anxious person all around (if that wasn't obvious) but I do feel that the ENST service-learning based capstone class is going to prepare me for that next step into my life of social and environmental advocacy. It gives me an opportunity to breathe and obtain hands-on experience working in the community I have lived for almost four years. It gives me some time to transition from an in-class mindset to working in a given field, away from the setting of schooling.                                          

          The service learning project that I will be taking part in is the North Coast Arts Integration Project (NCAIP). The goal of this project it to bring forth different mediums of art to eight different rural elementary and middle schools in order to improve students' creative thinking, academic performance, and reasoning skills. This is through a series of workshops and in-class lessons educators from this community bring into the classroom setting. Today, I met with the coordinator for the project, Sarah Peters, to go over what is expected of me as a student and overall areas of interest I have within the project. We have unofficially decided that my job title is "Teaching and Pedagogical Assistant" where for three hours a week I will be helping an educator produce a musical theatre piece with a classroom of kiddos, work to organize the overall curriculum writings, and research other Arts Integration projects   that are happening nation wide in hopes of finding new ideas for the NCAIP. I am very excited to be able to have an opportunity to work with children on various art projects and endeavors. I've been thinking a lot about Howard Zinn's article, where future change lies heavily within the newer generations. Who knows, maybe I could really get some of these kids to think differently about the ever-changing environment around them through groovy things like acting and painting.                                                                                                                                                                       I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be an optimist versus a pessimist among needed social and environmental change. Often times, environmentalists have this perception of being an optimist for environmental change to be someone who only shops local and organic, someone who stops everything and runs to a "tree sit in." Or as Zinn pointed out, "a blithe, sappy whistler among dark times." On the opposite side, someone who is a pessimist regarding environmental change according to the mainstream environmental movement would be a person who doesn't think that we need to worry about global warming because we're all going to die anyway. But what if we reinvent what we come to accept optimist and pessimism to mean? Almost as if it becomes a new wave of optimist thinking?                                                                                                                                                        

      This way of viewing what it means to be an optimist (specifically in regards to environmental justice), in my opinion, would be someone who has optimistic values to the future of our planet, but feels pessimistic to the current state of our political, social, and capital system. Catch my drift? So, as you seek to bring change to the current system, being optimistic that change can in fact occur, you are at the same rate pessimistic to our current president's values and the overall actions that have been done by the government. Pessimistic to the current system, but through social advocacy and a desire to revolutionize capitalist ideologies swarming our system, optimistic for a new beginning becomes a reality. This idea makes me think of Amiri Baraka's performance speech called, "Someone Blew Up America." Baraka is a super cool human, the founder of Black Arts Theater in Harlem during the time of the Black power and Black arts movement. Through his speech he is pessimistic to the broken system America has, the war on terror the western world has created. Yet, he is optimistic to expose this broken system, optimistic to spread awareness to the audience in hopes of bringing about some change. 
       To blend together these two ideas, I seek to become optimistic with my post-grad self, straying away from a pessimistic view of "I'm never going to go anywhere with my life and I can't produce any social change because I'm just one human." NO. Hey, this service-learning project is one step into change, one-step for spreading awareness and human empathy. While I am optimistic that I can bring about environmental change to the communities I inhibit, whether that be forming a social justice troupe or making sure those in my life feel safe in their space, I am also quite pessimistic to the current state of America's political realm. How can we bring about environmental and social equity if that orange man is in our way? Well, let's stay hopeful and patient. This too shall pass, and I'm optimistic to bring about change through each step in my life.