Virtue

“Political Paralysis” by Danusha Veronica Goska struck my interest most. Mostly because Goska mentions in her brief work many things I can relate to. She’s a Catholic and after having done some background research on the writer she is no longer a leftist. She wrote an interesting article on it here: Ten Reasons Why I Am No Longer a Leftist. She mentioned how she shifted from the left to the right because of how much the left actively hate the right, along with anything that has to do with Judeo-Christianity. I agree with her. Before reading her work, she mentioned Psalm 139 and I had to mentally prepare myself for what may come next. Instead, I was surprised that she said nothing negative about Christianity. This was the very first piece I read in the major that was not heretical nor bashing the Christian faith. I thought to myself, “What a nice change.”

Goska worked as a nurse’s aide and was considered working-class, yet she loved it because she “physically and emotionally touched people every day.” This is why I want to get into Nursing. It is true that one does not have to be on TV to be virtuous, rather I think a person is much more virtuous when they are humble enough to not feel the need to be on TV or noticed by others for acts of kindness. Too often people want to be seen by others of the good works they have done. I was impressed that she used Saint Mother Teresa and Saint John of the Cross, two saints who lived their life humbly and who radically lived out their faith in Christ. Saint Mother Teresa, who made the vow to live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience, felt a strong call to serve the poor in India. Her life was so consumed by the love of God that she had to share that love, yet did not care much to be seen by others. Also, Saint John of the Cross, a Discalced Carmelite radically lived out his faith to the point of turning away comfort and luxury to show mercy to his peers, yet his greatest work came from being locked away. Social media today plays an important role in always wanting to be recognized by our peers. Sometimes its okay to not to let the world know of every detail of one's life.

Last I want to end with a quote by Pope Benedict XVI who said, “You were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” Too often the path that offers most comfort is chosen, yet people turn their heads away from the path of greatest Love. Authentic hearts create lasting changes and authentic hearts are humble hearts.

In Spirit of Jazz

I'd like to talk a bit about the magic of adaptation. We all do a great deal of adapting in our lives in order to situate ourselves within our surroundings as those surroundings change. Many of us are adapting moment to moment with remarkable perceptiveness to the people we interact with and the challenging circumstances we may suddenly find ourselves in. Our lives are full of hard truths we come to accept in order to go on living.

This ability to adapt is an extraordinary gift. Furthermore, it's arguably our most critical tool in preparing for a climate-changed future. And yet, the prospect of change and adapting to that change remains terrifying and painful for many people. Adaptation to 'newness' is in constant tension with the desire for things to remain the same or a nostalgic desire to return to a 'better' past time. But these feelings - albeit comforting - often keep us complacent in the presence of oppression, dampen our imaginations (reinforcing rigidity in our ideas of what is possible) and leave us assuming that the future must be more dystopian than the present. 

Artwork by   B  E  N    L  O  P  E  Z

To echo Sarah Ray, I want to desire the future. I want to feel excited by its unfamiliar challenges - to hunger for its mysterious differences from the now. Of course, I am like most people and become anxious when anticipating arenas of the unknown, but I've been trying to find the joy in these moments of adaptation and growth as I've come to realize their necessity and inevitability. 

Cornel West describes Jazz as a historical and contemporary tool for the survival and resistance of black folks in America, writing that

"this music does not wallow in cynicism or a paralyzing pessimism, but it also is realistic enough not to project excessive utopia. It responds in an improvisational, undogmatic, creative way to circumstances, helping people survive and thrive." 

At the heart of jazz is improvisation and joy, but not without some discipline. Jazz has also been ever-evolving, with a playfulness that welcomes innovation, collaboration and adaptation. For this, I feel the spirit of jazz could help inspire much of the visioning work of imagining a more equitable future and might help sustain some of the activist work required to reach for those visions. 

Hierarchies of Grief

Can grief be quantified? This is the question that arose for me in my reading of this week’s essays. Sherman Alexie writes about the unspeakable grief and fear of witnessing his infant son in a coma, and contemplates the ways in which grief and hope are policed. Likewise, Arundhati Roy discusses the packaging and commercialization of grief, the compulsive need to speculate, to quantify and justify suffering. These authors touch on something vital; does our cultural tendency to make order of tragedy, both catastrophic and everyday, impair our human ability to empathize? By creating a hierarchy of grief and suffering, we “other” those who experience grief that is different than our own. We tend to minimize grief that we perceive as minor, and to fear and eschew grief that we perceive as too vast, leaving ourselves and others isolated, each on her own lonely tier of some constructed and abstract scale of suffering. 

I think that this can be a difficult thing to talk about; I do not want to presume to understand the suffering of others, particularly when my life experience is only mine. But isn’t it more problematic to shy away from attempting, to the best of our ability, to understand the experience of others, no matter how different we perceive their experiences to be? Suffering and grief manifest themselves differently in each person, our suffering is not the same as someone else’s simply because we look like that person, or have experienced a similar kind of loss or trauma. Likewise, my grief might not be so different from someone who seems to have a very different life experience. Andrea Gibson writes about this conundrum in their poem entitled “A Letter to White Queers, A letter to Myself” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpBUenMIe8U 

“Another black man has been murdered in the streets, 

And I am white as a ghost, haunting my own grief

Thinking: Who am I to feel grief?

Thinking: My God, who am I not to?”

This speaks to the (perhaps very human) tendency to want to separate ourselves from grief that that we feel is outside of our realm of understanding, whether that desire stems from fear, or simply not wanting to impose ourselves. Maybe we use this conceptual separation of griefs as an excuse to shy away from truly feeling the suffering of others, from digging deep and finding ways to relate, and if we can’t relate, then at least locating the generosity to listen. The problem stems at least in part from the churning amassment of neoliberal values, individuality, and the invisibility of suffering in our society. We do not know how to interact with grief; there is very little guidance for how to grieve, and even less for how to support those who are actively grieving (and aren’t we all, in one way or another?). We tend to offer prescriptive hope to those whose suffering is out of our realm of understanding. Truly acknowledging the scope of someone else’s experience can be painful, so instead we dismiss and minimize with hope, serving to separate ourselves from those who’s grief we believe is larger, uglier, or too foreign to truly empathize with. 

…..I keep coming back to this wishing that I could tidily conclude it, but I’m realizing that there’s not really any way to do that. This is just something that I’ve been grappling with. How do we find a middle ground of empathy and compassion that respects both the immense differences and the commonalities that exist between humans? It feels like a vital part of being a good ally and a good friend, and I haven't quite figured it out yet. Let me know if you do. 

I am Standing here on unpolluted land and breathing clean air!

I am Standing here on unpolluted land and breathing clean air!

To me, I am lucky and grateful for the stars to have aligned the way they did for me. Being an orphan from another country landing in the arms of amazing parents here in the U.S.A. Living in not such a polluted area for all my life and moving to another part of the nation that's not polluted been a blessing. I am not truly affected by the pollution, exploitation, greenhouse gas emissions like others. I hear a lot on the news and through my classes. The reasons for what, why, and how can we deal with these environmental problems that are plaguing our world. I am not proud of my thoughts and own beliefs because it is easy to ignore some of the large problems our current world faces. I only am being remembered by the media and the classes I attend about the world’s problems. The comfort of my apartment, social media, my iPhone, the foods I buy myself, and other objects that have no important or special meaning in my life. It is easy for us to ignore the world's problems and let the so-called scientific professionals handle the circumstances of our planet’s health, the economy, and much more. It is easy to put a veil in front of our eyes to blind the catastrophes that are happening around us.

James Orbesen's passage, "But I'll Still Be Here," caught my attention because I am young and I have so many years on this earth. All the destruction of the planet and I am part of it is heart-wrenching. The main problem is getting people to overcome their fear of failing and just believe in the cause that is trying to make the world a healthier place to live in. The difficulty for us as a society to know our wildlife, and the places we live are in critical danger and we need to change our lifestyle rapidly to survive for millennia to come. Our society is sadly so focused on having more than the next person beside them and very ignorant on matters that pertain to the health of the ecosystem around them. What will spark the revolution for change that would actually stick to our society's interests? The culture we live has to change and it’s sad to know many people in our society just don’t care.

The Gates of Hope

On the evening of International Women’s Day I lay in bed thinking about the people who have come before me. I dream of the women who, as Victoria Safford says, planted themselves “at the gates of Hope.” In her essay, The Small Work in the Great Work, she quotes a friend, a psychiatrist, grappling at the intersection of grief and self assurance. She says:

"You know I cannot save them. I am not here to save anybody or to save the world. All I can do–what I am called to do–is to plant myself at the gates of Hope. Sometimes they come in; sometimes they walk by. But I stand there every day and I call out till my lungs are sore with calling, and beckon and urge them in toward beautiful life and love."

WOW. WOW. WOW.

There is a lot to be said about the emotional expectancy of the female psyche. As a woman, as  an empath, I am often called upon by those who seek comfort in times of despair. For me, the boundaries are blurry between the assumed responsibility of facilitating healing and inflating a buffer between that person and my own emotional needs.

Coming across this essay had a profound effect on me. It has shifted the way I will view reaching out to people in my family, colleges, my community, and romantic relationships. If I plant myself at the gates of Hope, I can welcome people in with open arms, compassion, & active listening. If I cultivate boundaries of self care I can be resilient when I do not succeed. We can only give what others are ready to receive. It made me think about Dr. Sarah Ray’s paper we read a couple of weeks ago and the concept of arcs, and where we ephemerally find ourselves on them.  

The arc, to me, feels like a time continuum. In a parallel universe we may all be on the same page in our development as social change agents, but unfortunately in this particular one, we are not. It is my goal to learn how to wave at others as we cross paths and dream of the ones who are much further ahead than I. I envision the gates of Hope as a point plotted much further down the road within my own arc. There, I will patiently wait for the others navigating their own journey, and like a lighthouse I will welcome them home.

In the Face of Despair

   Would you rather live a happy existence or a fulfilled existence? Think about it. If you could be without a care in the world would you do it? It sounds like a nice time. Or, would you rater be fulfilled; know that in your life you helped make a difference in the community and improved the planet. This option is not always happy. You struggle, you get frustrated, you become familiar with despair and your day to day thoughts can sometimes turn bleak. True fulfillment comes form acknowledging those defeatist feelings and overcome them towards a challenging and rewarding goal for the future. Blue pill or red pill? And in the end do you have a choice? As an Environmental Studies major; learning about world problems and the different aspects of each, all a part of fixing the problem; it feels like I took the red pill. I decided to go through life acknowledging injustices and hidden discriminations in our daily lives in an effort to help destroy these oppressive systems of power in our society. Knowledge is the enemy of evil. When the voiceless are given a voice the powerful cannot rest easy at night. I feel as an educated and informed citizen on this topic I have an obligation to educate and stand against oppressive powers and fight for social justice in an oppressive society. To quote Roth’s article Hope for Human Rights, If we keep raising the cost of abuse there is every reason for hope”.    

   Dealing with the frustrations of the state of the world can be a challenge. Especially recently it seems like every day there is a new event happening in the world that makes it seem a little more bleak and troubling. In the readings this grief is seen as an ever present obstacle we need to overcome to grow and improve. In Sherman Alexie’s chapter for example Mr. Grief is a character the author recognizes as a present entity around the hospital where they treat his son, and how he affects everyone but in their own different ways. Mr. Grief casts doubt on ourselves. The weight of the world feels unbearable, casting doubt on our own significance. Goska reminds the readers our gestures are NOT insignificant and neither are we! We and our small actions matter. They make a world of difference. in the article Hope for Human Rights the key to hope is to realize there are things we can do to curb suffering in the world. Actions have effects and when they are directed towards positive endeavors they ripple outwards to create great change in many places. Our culture has forgotten our connection to the planet. To quote Prisoners of Hope: “Spiritual malnutrition and existential emptiness are rampant”(293). Brought about by instant gratification to insignificant frivolous things while things of meaning become to time consuming to work for. By seeing and understanding invisible power structures of oppression we can direct our actions towards meaningful and beneficial changes as we come of age in a society “at the end of nature”. Small actions create big effects. It worked for Calta Star overthrowing a communist Bulgarian government and can work in fixing our warped and disjointed view of how societies interact amongst each other and the planet. We just need to make powerful actions.

   Powerful actions come in many forms. Quoting Sherman Alexie, “everything is stuffed to the brim with hopes magic and dreams”(168). We all like to think each person place or thing is only itself when in fact it is a combination of our hopes, actions and potential. We do not honor what we can do. We think we have no power. How can one insignificant speck on earth make a difference, but with that defeatist view nothing will get done. You would be submitting to Mr. Grief. We are in charge of our own choices. We have the power through our actions to create a change. Corporations rely on consumers for their income, so by putting pressure on them through your actions and standing with others who suffer injustice you make powerful actions that are noticed in the higher up levels of power. If we keep raising the cost of abuse there is every reason for hope and we can do this through our actions and time in this life. It is not always easy. To face the problems of our society is to immerse yourself in problems and injustices and it is easy to be overwhelmed. Self care is necessary. Your actions are only as good as your being. Challenging these problems can easily make us unbalanced and pessimistic. We always wrestle with despair but we should never allow it to have the last word. 

   Those who choose the red pill; to choose to understand these issues and let go of the simplified view of the world may be crazy. In fact I know everyone in this field of study is a little bit crazy in some way. But craziness is necessary to pursue dreams and ideas. It is what keeps our heads above the water. We work for some vision in our heads of what it can be. We are just crazy enough to strive to make it happen, and that is why I cannot picture myself doing anything else.  

Simple Acts of Kindness

“The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us the less taste we shall have for the destruction of our race. Wonder and humility are wholesome emotions, and they do not exist side by side with a lust for destruction.”

-Rachel Carson

This quote as well as Rachel Carson has always spoken to me in such a way that hope has filled my veins even in times of hopelessness and the downfall of human kindness. Over the past few years of college, I have found myself going through waves of conflicted feelings attributed to my contributions to the planet as well as the humans and other beings that occupy Earth. At one point in my life, when I was about eighteen or so, my main objective and goal was to immediately, “save the planet.” I had so many naive ideas as to how I planned on achieving those goals and I did not think about the reality of the impact of my existence. I did not think about the little actions that could amount to so much more than I could have ever imagined. Before, I believed that social and environmental change needed to occur through these vast actions such as a complete shutdown of corporations that inflict environmental harm and oppress entire communities. My mind always thought in this large, extravagant manner and I have come to learn through experiences such as college, and life in general, that changes can also occur on a smaller levels. Simple acts such as bringing food to someone on the street, hosting a potluck or a clothing swap, or even educating children who may have no other adult interaction other than educators at school, etc..

Although it is wonderful that someone like Leonardo DiCaprio has enough money to make large scale differences in a tiny amount of time, small scale deeds are also effective. Humans are born into differing narratives that lead each person down an individual path. Some are born into a family and town that survives by oil mining, or coal mining. Others have been brought up into environmentally friendly families who take their children on annual hikes through the Trinity Alps. We have all come from different backgrounds that have shaped our entire thought processes and therefore, humans have their own, individual tactics in which they choose to effect the planet and those around them.

I immediately thought of these concepts and ideals when I read Danusha Veronica Goska’s piece “Political Paralysis” in The Impossible will take a little While, specifically when Goska spoke about a woman who believed she did not have much power on this screwed up planet. She quoted the woman stating, “I want to do something, but what can I do? I’m just one person, an average person. I can’t have an impact. I live with the despair of my own powerlessness. I can’t bring myself to do anything. The world is so screwed up, and I have so little power. I feel so paralyzed” (47). Goska appeared to be astounded by this woman’s words. She went on to talk about the importance of human selflessness and kindness and how far small acts can go in terms of creating social and environmental change. She talked about how receiving car rides from other humans meant more to her than most could imagine, and how these rides typically came from other individuals who did not have much in terms of money themselves.

Goska talks in depth her illness and longing for human connection and speaks about a man who gave her a ride home one day. She stated, “He didn’t hand me the thousands of dollars I needed for surgery. He didn’t take me in and empty my puke bucket. He just gave me one ride, one day. I am still grateful to him and touched by his gesture”(48).  I truly believe that with compassion and love between humans then a more just world will follow. As a teenager, the idea of human kindness never struck me as the answer to environmental destruction or human oppression. I just thought that direct political action was the only answer; I suppose I did not consider the chain of events that might lead up to political change. From my experience, one act can lead to greater acts and then slowly, to a more just world in which environmental and societal destruction will have faded.

                                  

Tackling Hopelessness

     I am no stranger to hopelessness. After Donald Trump became president, I felt as though the world was too screwed up, that climate change had reached an irreversible point, and that all of the environmental progress we’ve made since the 1970s would be torn apart. I knew that I should be doing everything that I could to help better the world, then more than ever. But I was so severely depressed that it was difficult to bring myself to participate in social change, because it was difficult just to get out of bed every morning.

     It took me a year to realize that this self-defeating attitude wasn’t helping anyone, including myself. But going through this experience helped me resonate with the woman in Danusha Goska’s essay who said, “I want to do something, but what can I do?  I’m just one person, an average person. I can’t have an impact. I live with the despair of my own powerlessness.”

     Of course, like this woman, there were plenty of things that I could have done, and still can do to improve the world. There are times when many of us feel isolated from these opportunities, but they’re always there. There are people who deal with so many struggles every day, like Goska had, and still they take the time to make their contributions.

     Which is one of the reasons that I’ve been so excited about getting involved with service learning this semester. I have always wanted to work on improving the state of the environment. Though my tasks with Redwood State Parks may seem trivial compared to the many problems in the world, I feel grateful that I can make some sort of contribution. My work has consisted of a combination of helping with research, trail maintenance, and invasive species removal. Humboldt County is so incredibly stunning, so it feels great to be able to help maintain its beautiful State Parks.

     These days, I’ve moved away from a self-defeatist attitude. I’ve accepted the fact that there is always something we can do to improve the world, even if its just in a small way. After my service learning hours have been completed, I know that I will continue to work with Redwood State parks, as well as other organizations, to create a positive impact.

How about starting with being a good human?

In my last blog post, I explained my hopeful plan to start a garden at the Sunny brae Middle school but after talking to people who started and are running the garden at Pacific Union, and several conversations with my program manager, I’ve realized that the time I have left in the semester and Arcata in general is simply to scarce to be able to pull it off successfully. I now understand just how much work, patience, and support is necessary to start and garden and will use the information to my advantage in the future! To say the least, I was disappointed when I realized that I was in over my head and that I wasn’t able to give the gift of gardening to the kids.

Like Danusha Veronica Goska explains in her chapter “Political Paralysis” of the book The Impossible Will Take a Little While, often our worth and agency is measured off of our status of virtue and a sort of celebrity status. Goska explains that people feel powerless unless someone is acknowledging their acts of good in the world (62). I resonated with her words but I all too often feel powerless in a world that is ran on money and institution, an example being my garden situation explained above! But Goska also says that many people who feel hopeless often do have the ability to enact small feats of agency with what they do have including lending an ear to someone how needs it, donating food, and even donating smile and nice gesture to our neighbors (67). She says that the paralysis we will for enacting great change should not inhibit our ability to empower the humanity within us. I will walk away from her words more aware of my role as a social change agent, not expecting to “Save the World Right Now” (or in my case build a garden), but to find inspiration and worth in my humanity.

So for now I am basically back to square one, however, I decided that the second best option will be to show the kids how to germinate seeds, watch them grow, and then finally plant them. One step at a time, right?