Let It All Out

by Robert Johnson

When I look back to specific events in my life, I obtain only bits and pieces of these memories. Some are more vibrant than others. As the last two years have progressed, I have been questioning, what will I remember most? I embedded this thought within my everyday habits, so that I could try to remember everything. The smallest details of my day, to conversations, stressing for tests, moments sitting on a bench soaking up the sun, long drives, songs that made my day, banana slugs and northern spotted owls. The memories go on; for now at least.

Similar to the past events, I imagine that time will disconnect the smallest memories, and I will retain the ones that were more impactful. But I won’t know which memories those are, until the latter presents itself. I don’t want that to happen.

In all that we learned at HSU, Environmental Studies taught me that expressing my emotions is okay. As simple as this sounds, this is not an easy feat. Before HSU, this was difficult for me. Little did I know that I walked a path that was leading towards social loneliness, negative feelings, and confusion of truths about our human conditions. My confidants in ENST truly helped me identify those emotions, and how to relate and process them, within myself and towards society. Emotions are information that need to be released. My communication has been more open, and my ability to retain the information has increased, due to adjusting my attitude for awareness and attunement to another’s feelings. This was not the education I was expecting, but is the education I needed. This memory is so impactful, that it trickles down into a web of moments at HSU.

Another impactful memory was my service learning as a Firefighter this semester. I took these emotions and the knowledge I have retained, and applied them to a position of immense responsibility. This career banishes ego’s and selfishness. It provides perfection in communication, teamwork, preparation, and emotional strength. Taking the Fire Academy was an eye opener. But to actually be out there witnessing scenarios that we really don’t want to see, will be another true test.

My goal after college is to write about it all. From the beginning to the end. I saved all my work, from which I can use for reminders. I have better developed my habits to reintroduce the information continuously, in order to retain it. Most importantly, it takes regurgitating it to truly embed it. Others should know what I experienced. Others should know what we all experienced. This is how I will never lose these memories. I will continue to deconstruct the shit out my time here at Humboldt State University.

Thank you all for being there and producing some of the best years of my life.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

Maya Angelou