Should I Stay or Should I Go Now

     When I was a child, I yearned to participate in everyday tasks with my parents.  Part of me wanted to be helpful, so that I made my brothers look bad, and then part of me wanted to learn more and understand the purpose behind their hard work.  I was never permitted to attend them at their job sites, but still questioned them at the end of the day.  My siblings and I always had chores.  These were small daily tasks that developed a sense of responsibility.  We were given these tasks as an incentive to be able to go play outside.  At the time I didn’t care about responsibility, but I cared about playing outside; so majority of the time I would finish my chores.  To me, responsibility became the difference between childhood and adulthood.  I had developed this thought.  I wanted to be older, so that I could take on more responsibility and enable myself to have more freedom.  This was the system I adapted too.  Of course as time ticks on, responsibilities engulfed my time, and consumed my freedom.

     To put freedom in perspective here, is to be able to choose my responsibilities and govern my own life as I freely choose, as opposed to living in a Capitalist society and conforming to a lifestyle with boundaries and limitations.
     Around the age of twenty six, I chose to move away from home.  With no intentions in mind, I simply just new that there was more for me outside of my norm.  This move spout out numerous changes towards culture, economy, poverty, racism, feminism, environmental and social injustices, and the list goes on.  I was developing a new sense of responsibility that relinquished selfishness, and with this new responsibility came a new concept of freedom.  The freedom to be aware.  The freedom to be involved.  The freedom to learn and be open-minded.  This, no one can take from me, and capitalism cannot govern my new freedom.  With this thought, I began to release my past positionality and redevelop a new one.  This is one example of my growth coming to of age.
     It’s funny because I remember how angry I was with myself.  I used to be full of life, energy, and happiness.  I can’t remember when I lost that.  I had to step back and take time off from this system.  I went on unemployment, drank a lot, and smoked a lot weed.  But at the same time, I had the ability to choose my responsibilities every day.  I started my own wood working business, made a movie, and engaged in communication with family and friends that I had neglected.  I also remembered the thought I had when I was a child, about wanting to be older.  Except this time, I reformatted my view.  Now that I am older, I need to make sure that I am releasing my inner child.  I need to enjoy life like it used to be.  Lisa Hupp, who writes the chapter Winter Solstice in Coming of Age at the End of Nature, states, “It’s never a choice to stay—just a decision not to leave” (Hupp 39).  This sentence resonates with me.  I never truly know when I leave, but I do know that I find my way back.  That is when I realize I have once again come of age.
     If this is the end of a particular nature, then it is the beginning of a new.  Nature should not be separated from humankind.  We are a part of this natural process.  Are influences are still part of a larger natural process.  We will never contemplate the true understanding of existence.  But we can make the best of it while we exist.  In my case, choosing the appropriate responsibilities that are relevant to our communities and the surrounding environment.  And choosing when to release my inner child with the new age.