Tragedy to humor to realization to hope

This week's readings within The Impossible Will Take A While by Paul R. Loeb were interconnected with the overarching themes of tragedy, humor, realization, and hope. The string of emotions that were embedded within each story made me both hesitant and hopeful. Hesitant because, for example in Goska's chapter, "Political Paralysis," we read about the author's uncomfortable experience of a frustrated woman saying in a church group, "I want to do something, but what can I do?... The world is so screwed up, and I have so little power. I feel so paralyzed" (Loeb 60). This was problematic for the woman to say because the author experiences excruciating pain from a paralyzing illness called Perilymph fistula, where amidst a reality of being paralyzed with uncertainty, they still realize and seek out the little things in life that truly make for a just, virtuous life. I feel hesitant because what if I have said similar things as the woman in the church group? While I do agree that using the words paralyzed as an able-bodied person to express "powerlessness" in the actions to change our current world state is a no no, I too have expressed self-doubt as an input for social and environmental change. Through the article, though, my hesitation fades because of the intricate and wholesome stories of casual people doing virtuous deeds to accumulate into a pot of social change. This pertains to my current state in life because I have recently been going through my own personal issues. I don't want to dive deep into my current mental and emotional state, but when you are experiencing a rough patch in life both personally and socially, it is really hard to see anything you're doing as a positive input for change. Through this week's readings, though, I reminded myself that I will always have hope for not only the future of our social, economic, and environmental state, but my own being. I think back to a couple of days ago where one of my friends who moved away asked me to do him a favor of buying someone here flowers for their birthday. I of course said yes because what a lovely deed to be a part of. It's moments where we connect to those around us to fully understand small notions for change because of the simplicity of doing small, kind, virtuous acts. While I may have said statements like the woman in the church group did in the past, that doesn't mean we become static to that mindset. There are ups and downs, and somedays it feels like the world will turn to greed and negativity, but the realization of humble, virtuous actions can make all the difference to a hopeful planet. While I may feel like I am stuck within a pit of despair and negativity, as I breath and take baby steps in our vulnerable planet, I begin to see hope again. I've never been the type of activist to put everything on the line and JUST DO IT, but that's ok, we need all kinds of activists and persons in the midst of social change. 

__________________________ on a different note _______________________________

Toys and Babeland! I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE WAY SHERMAN ALEXIE WRITES. After reading his chapter, "Do Not Go Gentle," I felt the same way I do after running around the beach, petting a friendly doggo friend (simply a dog), or seeing a good movie, just overall hopeful and happy. The humor he sprinkles within his tragic experience gives us chills as a reader because amidst unfair and tragic situations, there is still hope according to Alexie. Something as erotic as a vibrator can be a tool for hope and human connections where, "everything is stuffed to the brim with ideas and love and hope and magic and dreams (Loeb 199). I laughed out loud when reading his story, held my hand close to my hear to his personal anecdotes, and hopefully dreamed for a better future. It truly shows how invigorating creative, strong writing is. When a writer is truthful, the readers are on the same page and are able to grasp what they are giving. What I take from Alexie's writing in terms of my current mental state, just keep going and be open. Let negativity and anger come, but realize the importance in doing what makes you feel healthy and hopeful. For example, when Alexie overheard the horrible conversation in the bathroom regarding a grieving mother, he found salvation through Chocolate Thunder and its glory. That is what made him feel good and amidst the negativity in the bathroom, he remained hopeful with the help of his wife and the vibrator. Again, while I may be in a funk of mental distress, if I begin to find what helps me grow and become hopeful, I can see the distress as an experience amidst my change. To that I say, all hail the sun, good beer, and best friends! 

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TO ALL MY ENST PEEPS: 

Source Cited: Loeb, Paul Rogat. The Impossible Will Take a Little While: Perseverance and Hope in Troubled times. 2014. Print.

The Children will save our Nature

My capstone service learning project involves me being present in an elementary school garden and helping teach garden class to kids K-6. Brainstorming interactive activities, allowing chaos with limited disciplinary action, and inspiring love for the garden is what my job comes down to. I had no idea how I would affect the kids or how the kids would affect me through this job but I have come to realize we affect each other in funny ways through the smallest of interactions.

These kids show excitement over the funniest things like who will find the first snail in the garden, who will pick out the most worms in the compost, and who will make the largest fava bean burrito out of fava bean leaves. They squeal with excitement when they pull out salad turnips from the ground, and repeatedly wander into the garden asking for a garden job during their recess.

I was waiting for my first garden class to start this Wednesday when a little girl wandered into the garden and asked if she could pick a salad turnip, I said “of course you can”, and then she asked me if I want one too. I surely did want one too. She picked us both salad turnips, squealing with excitement when they came out large, then proceeded to wash them in the sink. The sink had yet to be turned on so she decided to wipe them off with baby wipes. After she washed my turnip with a baby wipe she handed it to me who noticed it smelled rather like perfume and a baby’s bottom. I giggled and told her she had just put chemicals from a plastic sheet onto our turnips so now it was less safe to eat than when it had come out of the ground. She turned a little pink and took the baby wipe out of the compost she had just thrown it into, suddenly realizing what she had done. Then we wiped off our turnips, laughed, and ate them gladly.

It’s in moments like these where I realize I am not just sharing joy with these kids, but also taking part in growing practical wisdom. This girl comes alone to the garden because it’s a place she feels joy. To play alone in school and not be a sheep to what others want to do is to pursue one’s own “convictions without hesitation and, equally important, without fear of judgement” which is not often the case in school (208). Not only does the child take pride in her joy, she pursues it without anyone needing to be with her, to guide her or push her to pursue what she wishes to do. With these little interactions, there comes the hope that these kids will not just grow up to be computer-washed robots. There comes the hope that the next generation will love and care for them and the earth, our home as much as I do. There comes the “possibility of living with the dignity, the bravery, and the gladness that befits a human being” which is enough to inspire the work I continue to do in their school garden (210).

While the world is surrounded with many computer-washed kids that scare me because of what that could mean for our future, the world is still full of beautiful children who love and care for life. Computer- washed meaning, addictions to fast paced stimuli, hours wasted on television, weeks of videogames and a fear of books and the outdoors. Computer- washing scares me because it is a means to disconnect people from other forms of life. This fear can be hurtful not just to myself, but others because  “when you’re hurting, it feels good to hurt somebody else. But you have to be careful. If you get addicted to the pain causing then you start hurting people that don’t need hurting” (196). Truly, once you see a downfall, everything in turn starts looking down, and “If you turn into a pain delivering robot, then you start thinking everybody looks like Mr. Grief and everybody deserves a beating” (196). Not all humans are bad, in fact I believe all people are good, though many times we do bad things.

Children are the acceptation to bad deeds because they do what they can within their very limited power and with the little information they are given. We have to be careful what information we feed them for that very reason. This does not mean we hide the horrors of climate change, but we must teach climate change in a way that does not build apathy, but agency to be the change they wish to see in the world. Children are capable of agency, I have seen it grow in the garden when they realize they can grow plants from seeds and grow their own food. Their confidence grows from the fruits of their physical labor and so does their empathy for living things.

Three boys had just found 2 snails in the garden eating the Kale which they care for by watering and weeding when they come to the garden. These snails are understood as bad for the garden so they should be removed. One child threw the snails over the garden fence to save his Kale plant. The other two screamed while one screamed “You are hurting nature!” I couldn’t help but laugh at the urgency and panic of the child while they went to save the snails. These kids have shown me that “everything is stuffed to the brim with ideas and love and hope and magic and dreams” from care I have seen them show for the garden and all things within it (199).

Loeb, Paul Rogat. The Impossible Will Take A While. Basic Books

But I'll Still Be Here

But I'll still be here...

Issues over the environment have been lingering for a very long time. Longer than most of us have been alive. Exploitation, pollution, greenhouse gas emissions...and all of the other 'trigger' words that circulate our society either create panic or an eye roll. Selfishly, it is easy to ignore some of the large problems our current world faces. It is easy to sub come to capitalism and live in the comfort of our nice, warm homes, with our iPhones, social media, surplus of food, and other tangible objects that have no real meaning. It is easy for us to brush off the world's problems and let the 'experts' handle it. It is easy to hid behind the fact of death before catastrophe.

As I get ready to graduate and take on the 'real world' (whatever that means), these issues weigh heavy on my heart. James Orbesen's passage, "But I'll Still Be Here," struck a bothersome nerve in me. Why is it such a difficult task to open people's eyes to our real world issues? Why is it so difficult to instill the importance of radical change in order for our survival? Our people of the world really THAT self-centered and ignorant that these issues really just don't matter to them!? What is it going to take to make necessary changes in our culture?

The lack of concern and lack of action becomes overwhelming and discouraging. Especially as I am getting ready to leave college with the mid set to enact change. But how!? This weighs heavy on my heart. It is not like these issues are new to anyone. They have been around, and continue to grow. What is it going to take to turn society around and begin to fix the issues we have created? Our parents didn't do it. Their parents didn't do it either. But here we are...are future generations going to look back on us and as why we didn't do anything about it?

We are here. Right now. What will it take?

Time to Activate

“DON’T DO NOTHING BECAUSE YOU CANNOT DO EVERYTHING. DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING.” –Colleen Patrick-Goodreau

The past week I have gone through a 2^nd wave of obsessive inspiration from Colleen Patrick-Goodreau. Otherwise known as the “Joyful Vegan”, Colleen is an author, speaker, animal advocate, podcaster, etc. etc. etc. I discovered her podcast “Food for Thought” a few years ago after almost 10 years into my journey of a plant-based lifestyle.

I cannot talk Colleen up enough. Let’s face it veganism gets a bad rap on many fronts, which is why I never tell people I am vegan unless asked. I commend Colleen for her compassionate, concise, and open approach to talking about all things animals- not to mention, she's an absolute wondrous wordsmith.

I immediately thought of Colleen when I read Danusha Veronica Goska’s piece “Political Paralysis” in The Impossible will take a little While, specifically when Goska spoke about virtue and power wherein she said: “The problem is not that we have so little power. The problem is that we don’t use the power that we have” (Loeb p. 49). The current state of the world in regards to the political atmosphere is no doubt a paralyzing and jarring climate to be living in in 2018. However, as Goska mentions, each of us holds the power and virtue to recognize the little actions we can make in our day-to-day life in which collectively can move mountains. Colleen has spoken similarly about the collective and individual compassion each of us holds:

“THE PROBLEMS WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD ARE NOT BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH COMPASSION WE DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT. THE PROBLEMS WE HAVE ARE BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO THEIR OWN VALUES OF KINDNESS AND COMPASSION.”

Here is an inspiring video of Colleen speaking her truth and sharing her thoughts on getting involved politically as active citizens. She highlights animal friendly legislation, but this no doubt qualifies for any issue you are interested in!:

Some final words as I mull over this topic of power, hope and activism...snowed in, sprawled out by the fire, cat by my side, a book, and warm cup o' Joe...here it goes....

Repeat these words: "Yes i can." Cheesy, I know, but you know what as Victoria Stafford so eloquently and simply said in an excerpt of The Impossible will take a little While, "There is no time for quietism" (Loeb p. 184). YES! Repeat it until you believe it. "Yes I can." Repeat it until it's true. 

It feels small, insignificant, almost like a whisper taking on the world alone, taking on YOUR world alone. Except, here's the thing: you're not. Not alone, not small, not insignificant, and without a doubt, you are not a whisper. I can't tell you how significant, how giant, how unbelievably imposing you, me, we all are. 

Everything that happens, every choice, every action - has an effect. so. much. bigger than ourselves, bigger than a lifetime. Think big. Act big. Do all the things you think you can't. Because you can. 

But in all this bigness and individualism, in a sea of me-myself-and I, don't forget: you're not alone. Say it to yourself daily: "I am not alone." You- we- have the most incredible opportunity in this life to be a huge force within a rising tide. But we have to choose it- so actively take part, use your bigness to make a difference in the world.

Chocolate Thunder 🍆

Wow. If you are reading this because you are on the fence about majoring in Environmental Studies, then this is the post to read. This week, we were assigned a few different readings from the book titled The Impossible Will Take a Little While. One of the readings is titled “Do Not Go Gentle,” by an indigenous man named Sherman Alexie. Typically, the readings we are assigned are depressing, but eye-opening. This reading is about an indigenous man who is trying to keep his newborn baby alive. In order to do so, he attempts to lift the babys spirits by going to a toy store to purchase something that might help. However, Sherman quickly realized the toy store he entered is actually a sex toy store. He spots one toy in particular called “Chocolate Thunder.” He describes Chocolate Thunder as “dark brown and fifteen inches long and needed a nine-volt battery. I like to think my indigenous penis is powerful. But it would take a whole war party of Indian men to equal up to one Chocolate Thunder.” (p. 198). Since this is Blogspot and not Tumblr, I will refrain from posting a photo of what Chocolate Thunder looks like. Since Sherman thought that Chocolate Thunder had so much power, he decided to turn it on full blast and use it as a magical wand in the hospital to help his newborn baby survive. After fully using up two batteries, the baby survived and Sherman thanks Chocolate Thunder.

Of course, there were also readings that were easier to find meaning in. For example, the reading titled “Political Paralysis” by Danusha Veronica Goska. One line that resonated with me is “It’s not enough to be our best selves; we have to be Gandhi.” This line stuck out to me because recently I was talking to someone about “FOMO,” which is the “fear of missing out.” FOMO is very common amongst millennials because we constantly compare our lives to other people’s. This is an unfair comparison, which will almost always result in a “loss,” meaning the it seems as if other people have better or more exciting lives. In relation to Goska’s line, we all have to do our best, and some people’s best will be more impactful than others, but all that matters is that the attempt and full effort are there.

Honoring our Power

“Why do we deny that power? Why do we not honor what we can do?” (Goska, 62)

Goska’s reading  resonated with me in that it allowed me to reflect on my own failure to act. The podcasts I’d been listening to about climate change, the information I was trying to accumulate, meant nothing in terms my current practice of action. I had a similar experience to Goska, where I had traveled to a foreign country and dressed the part, but had little experience to make any change in an oppressive regime. My actions seemed insignificant, like the tiniest pick chipping away the smallest fraction of an unconceivably large boulder. Overtime, I felt increasingly useless. I made small goals and tried to stick to them, but ultimately, I was overwhelmingly disappointed in myself due to my lack of resilience. Problems were too big to conceptualize and it felt overwhelmingly daunting at how much there was to do. Poor me, blah blah. While indulging in self pity, I came to the realization that it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re helping someone in some way, no matter how big or small it seems to you- because it might be big for them, and at the same time it might not, and that’s okay too. Sure, my friends and I can’t deconstruct the caste system in India or clean up the mounding trash, but we can go to the slums and play with the children and teach them about nutrition and English. We can reach out to our neighbors and invite them to an American meal and build our relationships with those in our community. Through those actions we can start to become better refined versions of ourselves.

“It is not enough to be our best selves, we have to be Gandhi” (64)

I would be lying if I said sometimes the feeling of insignificance doesn’t creep back into my head from time to time, but checking myself in realizing that I could take the time I was using to pity myself to better myself and help others. This realization was essential to calling myself to action and honoring my power, no matter how “big” or “small.”

Deconstructing the World and Our Emotions

The ebbs and flows of pessimism and optimism that I have experienced throughout the Environmental Studies program have been educational and enlightening. The invaluable and often times troublesome content with which we engage has shed light on many of aspects of society that require environmentally just reconstruction. We have engaged this content through an array of critical lenses, methodically deconstructing the politics, powers, privileges, ethics and motivations that have shaped many of todays calamities. But aside from learning the skills and methods of engaging in deconstructing, I've learned a very powerful lesson about myself. This learning experience has shed light on my individual politics, powers, privileges, ethics, and motivations, all of which have empowered me to use my strengths to begin contributing to environmentally just reconstruction.
Looking passed the pain and hurt in the world can be a difficult to achieve. Furthermore, cultivating motivation to act and knowing appropriate ways to act add an additional and often times daunting burden, one that can drag down many students who struggle the common, yet conflicting emotional responses of passion and apathy. Where do these feelings come from? They're deep, personal, and difficult to identify. I believe for this task, we must think critically about ourselves and deconstruct our emotions to find the source of our passionate anger towards injustice. Throughout the progression of the "affective arc" of the Environmental Studies program, I identified which calamities overwhelmed me the most. Based on the critical engagement with the course content, coupled with my critical engagement with myself and an embracement of my emotional response, I have found a path through which I hope to create positive change. My path is foggy, dynamic, and full of obstacles, but it is a path none the less.